Do you ever have one of those days where life feels nearly unbearable? Like every gosh darn thing is just far too much effort, and worthless effort at that?
Some days are like that. Some weeks, maybe even some months. I have yet to experience full years like this, but maybe some others have. I don’t know.
I just know it feels awful to feel like everything is against you. To feel like you are scum, and every flipping thing you’ve ever done, are doing, or will do is worthless. Or maybe worse than worthless. Like every single thing you do is wrong.
Maybe your child is refusing to eat, so they’ve survived off goldfish crackers and grapes all day.
Maybe you looked at all the never ending dishes and laundry and said “Funk it. I just can’t do it anymore” and let things get way out of hand in the cleanliness and order department.
Maybe you spent too much money. Didn’t pay your bills. Ate a whole freaking pie to yourself.
It might be all of the above. And it might be nothing.
That’s when it’s really frustrating: when nothing has changed. When life could not possibly get any better the day before, and then BAM! Something smacked into you like a speed skating elephant on greased up wheels, and every little piece of your life feels like it’s rotting.
I blame a lot of this on hormones. It seems so unfair that what will likely be the hardest time of life – being a new mom with little sleep, a huge change in responsibility, all kinds of doubts and fears, and always on alert – is also a time (if not the worst time) for your hormones to be so all over the place.
For anyone who has never experienced being pregnant, giving birth, and dealing with post partum, you probably don’t understand how normal it is to be hysterically laughing one moment, feeling overwhelming love and adoration the next minute, and then sobbing over some stupid commercial or the way you cut your sandwich the next.
Seriously, hormones are crazy. And therefore, so are most (or dare I say all) new moms. I know I am.
Recognizing that doesn’t make it better, but it does help me keep it together when I consider that this enormous problem I’ve built up in my head is probably much smaller (or even non-existant) than I’m feeling it is in the moment.
One day everything will settle down and I’ll be sitting here wondering how to make life more exciting again. I won’t overthink every social situation and comment. I won’t cry over sappy commercials and wedding announcements (maybe). I won’t tear into my husband for not pushing the high chair back to it’s spot after a meal. I’m still trying really hard not to overreact like this now (hormones are no excuse to freak out at your loved ones), but I also recognize that it will be easier once my body regains a bit of hormonal balance.
And until then, let’s all give ourselves and the other mamas a little bit of leeway to be our crazy hormonal selves, without putting too much judgement out there. Let’s also try not too make any rash decisions in a moment of frustration, anger or sadness. Things may seem different in a month. A week. A day. An hour. In 53 seconds, even. It’s okay. We’re okay.