Guys. My gift bag supply this year is empty. This is a problem, because I’m far from a wrapping pro. More like a wrapping “oh no”.
Presents from me? Not covered with the best handiwork. Besides the fact that I can’t cut a straight line, fold worth spit, or ribbonize to save my life, apparently my choices in wrapping paper also leave much to be desired.
This year I decided to go a different direction with my gift wrap. The paper that is somehow haphazardly concealing the presents under my tree, my presents are wrapped in something a little bit more glamorous than your average holiday paper.
So, there I was in the aisle at Pharmasave, our friendly neighborhood drugstore, when I spy a bin filled with wrapping paper. “How perfect!” I mumble to my giddy-from-all-the-unnecessary-buying self. Surely we could use some more gift wrap to cloak our tokens of love for our family and friends. I grabbed up a roll that seemed perfect – a white background with what appeared to be snowflakes and bikes, and festive sparkles catching the depressing drug-store light. How trendy and perfectly fitting! I mean, I haven’t ridden a bike since that time I wobbled around the parking lot where I bought my first bike since I was a little girl, the winter before I became “with child”, but I could. Actually, I probably couldn’t, but I like the idea of bikes, and how outdoorsy they make me look to be associated with them.
So I snatched that tube of gift wrap up and headed to the till. What?! Six dollars for this one little roll? Oh, alright. Let’s just do it. It is the perfect paper, after all.
That evening I poured myself a big glass of wine (essential for any gift wrapping experience when you have the spacial judgement and physical abilities of a rubber boot), grabbed the scissors and tape (most of which was doomed to be balled up and tossed around in frustration), and pulled out the perfect paper.
As I unrolled the crisp glitter-diffusing wrap, I noticed that it wasn’t your usual roll of holiday paper. This stuff must be extra special, because it was actually only 3 sheets of wrap. For $6. Okay, okay. Let it go. Let’s just do this and get it over with.
WAIT! What is this??
Here’s my gift wrapping fail. It turns out my “special and perfect” wrapping paper was intended for wedding gifts. How did I not notice the hearts? Those snowflakes? Not actually snowflakes. They must be little bunches of love bursts, or some romantic crap like that. And the bikes had not one seat, but two, for the bride and groom to pedal away on in sweaty bliss. I completely missed the sparkly cans dangling by strings behind the tandem bike, and the fact that there are fresh herbs and flowers in the basket. My observation skills are astounding.
Did I use the paper after all? Heck yes I did! If I couldn’t wrap my gifts in festive holiday décor, the least I can do is assault my family with specks of glitter that will never come out of there hair and clothes. Never.
How did your wrapping go? (Psst… If you’re a wrapping whiz, keep that junk to yourself. I’m not ready to hear about how awesome your fingers coordinate themselves yet. Don’t be “that” guy.)
Merry Christmas, lovely people! May your next couple days be merry and bright, and may the Bailey’s (or cheaper yet similar Irish cream booze) flow freely.