Stepping Out of Your Life

You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone. On the other hand, you also don’t know what you’re missing until you peek into someone else’s life.

Recently I spent a week away from my home, my friends, my stuff, my life. Being so entwined in another family’s life made me realize so many ways of being that I had either forgotten about or had been missing altogether. You tend to get so wrapped up in the routine of your own life and what you know and how you respond out of habit to life’s situations, that it becomes hard to take a look outside of your own state of being to consider other options.

While I was away, I was reminded of so many things – both big and little – that I do (or do not do) that are unique to my life and my own experience. Most of these are related to the ways in which I raise my little bean sprout, since – to be perfectly honest – this is THE biggest focus of my life right now. Before she entered my life, I was sure that any children I had would just be a “plus one” situation, an added body tagging along in my life, but the reality of parenthood is that there is a lot about the way you live your life that has to be altered in order to meet a child’s needs. This is certainly something I didn’t entirely understand until I had her, and I don’t expect others to relate with until they are experiencing the raising of a child for themselves. When you have your own little ones, you will understand.

So, back to the point of this post. Stepping out of my life and into another’s for a week really brought awareness to the choices I make and the habits I allow to lead my life. Coming home, I experienced an overwhelming sense of joy to live the life I have created here with my husband, but also a desire to incorporate the pieces of my life that my trip awakened me to. I want to use my experience to encourage a fresh start and some new practices based on the new light that has been opened up to me.

Here are some of the new and remembered points I will be making an effort to place a focus on in the “renovated” life I want to live.

[tweetthis]Keep calm and parent on. #parenting #momlife #relax[/tweetthis]

1. Keep calm. Watching my sister-in-law with her children and mine, I was constantly in awe of how calm, collected and peaceful she seemed to be in every interaction with them. As an Early Childhood Educator, this is something I have been used to seeing and prided myself on being within my childcare settings. However, I’ve come to realize just how different being a caregiver in a professional setting, for children to whom you only spend a portion of time with, is from being a parent with all the struggles and frustrations that come with spending every minute of every day with.

I have to admit that in my journey of becoming a parent, there are certain pieces of my ECE self that I feel I have lost. My patience and ability to remain calm in the challenging situations that come from being with a child you spend so much time with and feel a particular responsibility for – a responsibility beyond that of an educator and facilitator – well, these capabilities have become worn down over the last 18 months. Seeing this mother and experiencing the kind and gentle way she was with the children renewed in myself a sense of “I can do this”. It was a reminder to let the little things go and to give my own daughter credit for the achievements she made, and the space to make mistakes and experience her own rebellious moments, without letting myself become angry and impatient.

I am the adult. I need to remember to keep control of my voice, my words, and my frustrations to let my little one know what self-control looks like, and to feel that she is safe and worthy of love, no matter what choices or errors she may make in her own journey.

[tweetthis]”Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” – Omar Khayyam #happiness #bepresent #liveinthemoment[/tweetthis]

2. Be present. Although it often feels like my little one is constantly tugging at my leg, clawing at me to carry her around all day, I have noticed that she is actually very capable of independent play. While I was watching this new-again-mom struggle with wanting to be more present with both of her children, giving them the best of everything she could offer and every bit of time that could be spared, I realized that I have so much more to offer my little one than I have been. Just because she can sit quietly and read books or play with her toys by herself doesn’t mean that I should take advantage of this every time that it happens. I do believe that it’s important for children to learn how to enjoy spending time by themselves, but I also know how beneficial being present and devoting that time interacting can be, instead of sorting through clothes, finishing off a craft, or sending off an email.

To everything there is a balance, and while those things do need to be done at some point, often they can wait. We have to decide in each moment what is the most important to the here-and-now as well as the long-term, and make our choices as best we can. Yes, those dishes need done, but perhaps they could wait for naptime while I roll and giggle on the floor with my most important responsibility.

[tweetthis]”Children deserve quality nourishment.” – Victoria Moran #nourish #feedingatoddler #mealtime[/tweetthis]

3. Feed my family. When trying to respond to the question “What can I make that Z will eat?”, I really had very few answers. A picky little bird of an eater, my toddler seems to survive on goldfish and squishy packs. I always offer her what my husband and I are eating at meals, often unsuccessfully, but when it comes to preparing food, I make very little that is specifically thought out to include my little one. It’s been all about what we like, and very seldom about what she might enjoy. While away, each and every meal was carefully thought of and prepared with the intention of providing food specifically for the children. While my little bird still didn’t eat much of what was made, I admired the care and consideration that went into each meal and felt that my meals at home have been quite selfish. Perhaps my tiny tot would eat more and venture more often to try the new things she’s offered if I, too, were planning meals around what would be the most successful for feeding my munchkin.

From now on, I want to make a much bigger effort to prepare food with the intent of finding new and enjoyable ways to nourish the smallest member of my family. Again, balance is key, and I’m not about to cut out the spicy foods and chewy meats altogether, but I just want to be more aware of including Z in our mealtimes with what we are eating, rather than cutting up the fruits, veggies and cheese we have on hand and reverting to pre-packaged squishy packs to fill up her belly.

With this last point in mind, I would LOVE if anyone has any suggestions of meals that their whole family enjoys together with their toddler. Add your suggestions and links to recipes in the comments below, or throw them at me on the Facebook page for this blog. The kitchen is certainly not my place to shine, and every bit of help would be highly appreciated!