The following is a guest post written by Charlotte Priest, an instructor and motivator of mindfulness and somatic wellness. This piece of writing on worrying and her work expanding from our community to the larger world specifically centers around supporting the experience of motherhood.
Have you ever had one of those moments, when, since becoming a mother, you realize something that used to drive you crazy about your own mother suddenly makes sense?! This has been happening to me a lot this last year and a half since I birthed my son.
One thing that used to drive me crazy about my mom was her constant worrying. At the time I couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to have a piece of your heart walking around outside your body.
I also viewed worry as a pointless emotion. Why spend energy on something you ultimately can’t control?
It’s true – worrying doesn’t help our nervous system and it doesn’t usually help the situation either. Either we can respond to something in the moment, or we can take a precious opportunity to relax our busy mind!
However, from another perspective, worry serves a purpose. It’s here to help protect the next evolution of our species. And when viewed this way, worry as a form of love, as a form of protection, can be a beautiful thing.
The trick is to learn how not to become controlled by worry.
And there is certainly lots one could worry about these days. Combine becoming a new parent with a global pandemic and you get the idea!
When I feel myself getting worried about something I like to ask – What is this teaching me about what I really care about? What are my values? What is important to me in this moment?
Sometimes the answer might be safety. I want to keep my son safe. I want to keep my family safe.
Then we can use our mindfulness practice to investigate further…
What does safety really mean? How does it feel in my body?
One thing I’ve been learning as a new parent is that we can’t protect our children from everything. In fact, it would be detrimental to their development to do so.
Growing up as an only child, one that was conceived after more than one miscarriage at that, I felt the preciousness of my existence very closely. This can feel like love but it can also feel like claustrophobia. I was rarely allowed to do things myself. My parents wanted to do things for me.
And though that came from a place of love, ultimately, I had to learn some things later in life that I could have learned earlier if I had been given the chance.
If we can connect our worry with an underlying value, then we can focus on promoting that instead of trying to protect against it’s opposite.
If safety is something we want, we can model that. We can become a safe harbour to ourselves first. Holding our worry, like we would the hand of a small child.
We can model to our children what it looks like to be nourished and relaxed and protected. To be calm and kind.
Our children learn so much, after all, from our example.
So next time you find yourself worrying about something, and if you’re a parent I’m sure it will happen sooner rather than later, try taking a moment to slow down first. Pay attention to how your body feels. Notice the value behind the worry. And then find ways to embody that.
Don’t beat yourself up about worrying. Remember, it’s an expression of the love and care you have for your child.
Charlotte Priest is a somatic coach and mindfulness instructor based on Salt Spring Island, BC, Canada. She runs an 8 week online holistic fitness program for moms called BLOOM. Inside you’ll find powerful and playful movement routines, meditations, coaching and access to a growing community of moms here to support one another’s evolving journey.
Link – www.mommygrooves.com/courses to sign up!
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